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Running Lights Fixed

Updated: Mar 9


The projects pace has slowed these past few weeks and we fell off our blazing weekly update cadence. To our defence we got hit with a few minor bullets which, given the circumstances, was perhaps predictable.  Upon further review, it may have been a little naive to consider that I could continue to progress effectively while at the same time articulate that very process to the reader.  When I departed Ontario 7 weeks ago I felt like I had a good handle on what was happening and ultimately came to the decision to proceed with an open concept, ie this project, based on a new found interest with brain injuries but perhaps more enticing was a personal desire to explore the conversation on mental health as a whole. The topics complexity, including the massive variance on its ideology as well as the sheer number of people who suffer, something to which I was blissfully unaware of, represented the core motivating principles that I moved forward on.  At the time of being diagnosed with depression this past summer I had not given any thought to the condition being attached to the sustainment of concussions. It seemed inconceivable that they could be connected as for so many years I had been OK. Maybe some close friends would disagree... That being said, on the other side of the coin, with no history of the disorder in my family it also made very little sense to me as well. Compounding my perplexity would happen on a regular occasion when I would stop to consider all the wonderful advantages that I had or had enjoyed in life including an amazing family and incredible friends. It just didn’t make sense and I remember thinking over and over that I should just get over it and get on with my life. Spoiler alert; I couldn’t. I felt paralyzed and was completely blind sided with thoughts of hopelessness, despair and darkness which remunerated around and around and around.   So all that being said, by the time I departed this winter I had indeed come to accept the correlation between the depressive state and athletic hits to the head. Not surprising, the similarities between concussion healing protocols and depression treatments are immense in terms of the menu options and subsequent reasoning for why when and how. Its all a little complicated. My plan from the beginning was to use the traumatic brain Injury piece of my history as a gateway to then find common ground on psychological deficiencies across the board.  ie, my depression is no different than person X's depression even though we ultimately took different paths to get there. Like a lot of things in this space, I'm sure that statement would be up for debate but what I know for certain is that I didn't account for the physical piece to the injury, both its impact but also the options that are now readily available for treating head injuries despite them occurring over a decade ago. That part more or less blew my mind while at the same time instilling some fear which then perhaps manifested in different ways over the last number of weeks. Most importantly, we have lights, and that’s something to celebrate.

Thanks for reading.

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